This is me. Swiping away. Tinder. Bumble. You name it.

Just two months ago, I was planning a future with my last boyfriend. These plans included exploring the world together since he worked as a travel writer. We would have several home bases — one in Los Angeles, another in Manhattan, and the last on the island of Kauai. We’d one day make a cute, little Jewipino baby I’d carry everywhere in a bright, multicolored baby sling — one we would purchase from a street vendor in a Balinese flea market (the sling, not the baby)…

There was one tiny problem though — I was the only one in the relationship thinking there was a future to be had. While I was planning our destination wedding and compiling a list of baby names in my head, he was thinking of an easy way to get the hell out. Not to bore you with the details of how we broke up (on the phone, while sitting in a parking lot, badgering him to explain why he wasn’t enthusiastic about me traveling with him on his next writing assignment, only to hear that it was because he didn’t want to commit…In his own words, he simply didn’t see me as a “forever”. Ouch.) but things ended, and he got his easy way out. Because let’s be honest — there is nowhere to go after you’ve heard you’re just not the one.

How could two people in one relationship be on such different pages, you ask? Simple answer: I was delusional. He waved those red flags in front of and over me, tickling my nose, wind tousling my hair, while I danced and hummed Bruno Mars’ “Marry You.” My spiritual advisor warned me early on (no lie) that he wanted out, but I truly believed that (my) love conquered all. And I learned the hard way that love conquers many things, but love isn’t enough when your goals are not aligned. He is a good man, but we just weren’t flowing down the same current. We had lots of fun, created wonderful memories, and I learned some big lessons.

Now, it’s a new day. And it’s definitely time to jump back into the ocean, fall in love with a hot guy surfing the same wave, and flow together happily ever after…I see that wave coming!

Needless to say, the cuddly Netflix nights, dinner dates, and regularly scheduled sexcapades with the man I adored all were exchanged for tendonitis-inducing swipe-fests on Tinder and breakfasts with Coffee Meets Bagel, unsolicited (really!!) d*ck pics from ballsy boys, occasional lone binge eats, and romcom movie nights with the girls. Of course, it took a while to go through all the stages of a break-up before I dove (heart first) back into the dating world — from pathetically spending countless hours drowning in my tears, to wishing evil things upon the bastard, to feeling numb and robotically going through the daily motions. Then one day, I woke up finally feeling gracious and positive about life again. I realize all this took about a minute, okay maybe five minutes, actually more like a few weeks. But, hello?! Ain’t nobody got time to wallow, especially at nearly 40. Life is for living, and I decided (it’s really that easy) that there’s no way I was going to let this experience (or this man) kill my joy. Onward and upward. Always.

I can’t even begin to tell you how transformative this break-up turned out to be. Besides a reminder to ALWAYS listen to my spiritual advisor, so many other big life lessons learned:

1. Trust your instincts.

2. Know your worth.

3. Kindly excuse yourself from situations that don’t nourish you.

4. Situations and other people do not define you — it’s how you handle them that counts.

5. Enjoy the journey but do not be tied to an outcome.

Without going into the unnecessary background details (which will absolutely make it into future blog posts, I promise), there you have it — the five lessons to take away from my failed relationship. And now, you can safely play with matches on Tinder.

There’s still a lot of weeding out of bad matches and douche bag narcissists (along with their mind-numbing conversations, which I guess are all part of singledom, or is it singledoom? — I’ll choose the former). Nevertheless, I am seriously excited about and open to whatever and whomever the Universe brings me.

And you should be, too.

I want to end this post with a hopeful note to my single readers: Always remember, if you give pure love, then you’ll get pure love in return…and most importantly, don’t forget to stretch those fingers in your swiping hours. Goooooo, Tinder.

Donna Estudillo

Donna Estudillo

RN and associate program director for a non-profit charity, plus mom who's working on being the hardest spiritual gangsta around, living the YOLO life and enjoying mishaps along the way. Current vibes: only positive ones -- which have led to her blog ( "Am I 40 Yet?" is an idea conceived after turmoil, inspired by a determination to get her sh*t together, and launched at the start of her 38th year. She writes, she learns, she shares…and hopefully, she entertains and inspires.
Donna Estudillo